Pam's Path

A wrinkle in a shirt is a frustrating thing especially if you put it there yourself. I was ironing this morning, (something I do as little of as possible) and accidently ironed a wrinkle in instead of ironing it out. Had a hard time correcting my mistake. Made me think of how we all do that in life. How many “wrinkles” have I put in my life? I didn’t mean to put them there but through carelessness they were there. It took more than a little effort to erase them! It would have been so much better if I would have just been a little more careful in the first place! Sometimes I am actually being sloppy. Those times provide me with many “wrinkles”. I have to decide whether I want to start over and do a better job or painstakingly iron each one out. Or maybe just leave them in…. Or maybe not iron at all!! Some of my life blemishes I try to fix, some I don’t even see, some I chose to not bother with, others I try really hard to keep from showing. How about you?

A cloud of sadness permeated my every thought. I was in a world of grief and guilt. The room was an institution, not a home! I was putting my parents in a nursing facility. I had to leave them in this place and I couldn’t hardly stand it. Just Christmas Mom was doing pretty good. Now, the beginning of summer, she had deteriorated enough to need to say good bye to their home of over 30 years. Daddy was scared but mom was resigned. I never saw her cry and I was breaking down in the grocery store and every time my cousin, Janie, or friend, Jean, called me, not to count the cry in my heart at every turn. Daddy faced his fears and mother showed me once again what a strong woman is all about. I couldn’t be more proud of either of them!
St Luke’s made the difference for all of us. From the first time my sister and I entered the door we were impressed. It wasn’t Sally’s job to show us around but she did as it was a weekend and the normal staff was not around. She was gracious and helpful from the start. A friendly face in the midst of an unfriendly decision. This place had a good feel (and smell). I liked the bird aviary near the entry. Mom loves watching the birds in her back yard. We watched a nurse drop what she was doing and respond to a call for help from a resident—-a very good sign after horror stories of people being left for seemingly ages before getting help. When we took mom she agreed this was the best looking place but her shoulders drooped and the mask of resignation overshadowed any other response. It wouldn’t be like home but the worry would be shifted to others.

Daddy had been in denial that this was all happening. He just wanted Mom to be better so they could go on with their lives. He was still hopeful he would be able to drive again so they could go cruising around neighborhoods seeing how other people lived their lives. Being blind in one eye and only peripheral vision in the other made those chances near to none. Finally he realized mom was moving and he needed to go with her. Rita, in Admissions, made such a difference in his acceptance! She treated him with respect and kindness with no trace of talking “down” to him. Her patience and understanding won the day as she showed him around St Luke’s and answered all his questions.

The family all pitched in to make this room have a bit of hominess to it. My sister gathered some of the things that had defined them; mom’s roosters and birds, some antique plates of her mother’s, Dad’s ordination into the ministry and pictures of him working on telephone lines, pictures of family, and best of all their wedding picture and wedding license framed together. My brother and family brought favorite furniture in and arranged it as best we could in this small place. A couple of recliners, a desk and dresser, a few clothes, and most of all a flat screen TV to help my dad pass the hours. Hard to take a whole house full of a lifetime of living and condense it into a single room! We found new friends in Frank and Dale the maintenance men at St. Luke’s. Every request, no matter how minute or difficult, was attended to. Everyone should have a Frank and Dale around when they move! I wanted to hug them both. Especially as they never made me feel like I was a bother even though I knew I was!

Moving day was up to me. I couldn’t cry. Not in front of them. They didn’t either. I almost drove them to Colorado to live with me instead of driving them to a nursing home leaving them with strangers. No one thought I should do that but the desire was strong and the guilt was heavy. These were my parents who had sacrificed for me all my life and who I love dearly. I always thought I would be the one to take care of them when they needed me. What was I doing??? Did I really think they could find happiness here? It was my hope there would be friends to be made and peace of mind in having professional caregivers around but was I just avoiding having my life so impacted? It was a tough day for me but mom and dad were accepting. Julie met us and immediately felt like a bit of family as she went to my uncle’s church and knew many people my parents knew. She took them on as if they were her own family smoothing the way behind the scenes and touching base with them each day. She even let me cry in her office. Mom and Dad still were a bit lost and the TV didn’t work yet when I left them that first day. I would not have left until they were asleep but my brother knew I needed to let go and begin the leaving process. He took me out to eat and even gave me a neck and shoulder massage to help ease some of the tension I had been under. I was there to help relieve him and now he was coming to my rescue. I guess that is what family is all about. He is a dear.

My sister-in-law fixed the TV but we still had daddy’s fears to work through. Physical therapy had been a nightmare for him in a rehab after a hospital stay when we thought he was dying a few years ago. When Shelly came to get him for his first physical evaluation we coached her about his terror. She was gentle and reassuring, competent and caring. She is his favorite person now. I think he looks forward to seeing her even though he still dreads the exercise. He looks forward to being stronger and with her guidance and encouragement he will be. Whew! What a relief! The next hurdle was the bath. He is a private person and proud. Having to be bathed was not his idea of fun! St’ Luke’s has a large devise where a chair lowers into lovely warm water and even has a whirlpool action. Damon had made friends with Daddy already. He was a young man in trouble a few years ago and has turned his life around. He was respectful and professional, friendly and good at his job. The bathing was a good experience. Yea! Daddy said he hopes the management of St. Luke’s knows who they have in this young man and hangs on to him. That is high praise from a man that often sees the glass half empty.

A major concern was food. Mom is an amazing cook. Daddy’s greatest joy is eating her cooking. However in the last few years food has become more of an enemy than a joy. Not eating at all has weakened them both and been a major stress for my brother and nieces. My mother got to the point she just couldn’t stand up long enough to be in the kitchen at all. Daddy had even attempted to scramble an egg for himself resulting in what mom described as quite a comedy and Daddy saying “Never again!” Luke, the head dietitian at St. Luke’s really tries to make the dining experience a good one. If you don’t like what is being served he will do his best to make you what you want. He has a helper for the evening meal whose name I don’t know but Mom speaks highly of him as well. Food is still not great for Daddy as he can’t seem to eat much. Need to talk with the doctor about that but Mom is getting an appetite back. Having someone take on that responsibility has taken a burden off her. She loved to cook and will miss it I expect but feeding Daddy has been hard the last few years. She has to add a bit of salt to things but on the over all meals have been nicely done.

We got Daddy a motorized scooter he loves. He may not be able to cruise neighborhoods but he can at get about in his new place without pain. Hopefully he will find people interesting to talk with as he motors around.

As I walk the halls there are smiles. Unnamed staff come along and help at every turn. Everyone has bent over backwards to make this transition smooth. Difficult situations have been satisfactorily addressed. I am more impressed and relieved than you can imagine. Nothing about this has been easy. However, the peace of mind is worth a lot!

THANK YOU ST. LUKE’S

I don’t read magazines often but when sitting in a doctor’s office it is a pleasure to check out the trends in whatever—cooking, fashion, health , decorating, gardening, celebrity gossip, etc.. Today I read a sentence that I had to write down to think about. “Our brains can’t simultaneously experience fear and appreciation at the same time.” Now, I know there is a healthy fear, like if a bear is after you fear can kick your brain into self preservation.  Or if a car is swerving into your lane and you need to have a quick reaction. But what about all those times we are afraid and don’t REALLY need to be. I expect this is most of the time.  I am often afraid I am going to be late to something when getting there late is really not a problem. I might be afraid of speaking my mind when it is possible my thoughts may have been helpful in some way. I could give some better examples but the proposed answer to fear is appreciation. I am having to think about this a bit. In 1 Thessalonians 5 the Bible says “in everything give thanks for this is the will of God”. That is quite a statement. Does it really mean everything? Why would God tell us to do this impossible thing? I have heard that His Kingdom is an upside down world. It is much different than the one we naturally live in. Love your enemies, give instead of being given to, the last is first, don’t worry about anything, have faith in something you can’t see, etc. I am also sure that the Maker of Heaven and Earth isn’t wrong! About the best I can do is to know that He is all about loving me (and you) and that in that love I can trust. For that I can be thankful. He says that perfect love cast out fear. If I trust in His love I have no reason to fear. I have every reason to be full of appreciation!

What a lovely choice to have, to be able to choose to spend money. Spending money is such a privilege! More to the point, maybe, is HAVING money to spend is the privilege. I am shameful to admit that I take it for granted most of the time. Read the rest of this entry »

Jump out of a plane, see the pyramids along the Nile, any number of experiences can be on a  list of things to do or accomplish before we die. Is this the definition of a bucket list? Maybe I need to take it further. It is more of our heart desires accomplished before we die.  Well, what is my heart’s desires before I leave life as I now know it? I suppose I could simplify it and just say my heart’s desire is to love. But what does that look like? I could love life, love people, love my God. But really, what does that all mean? What will my legacy be? Do I even care what people remember after I am no longer here. After all, I won’t be here so why should I care?

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